Patryk described what he did at his first retreat in one sentence: "I gave myself permission to say it out loud without holding any filters whatsoever."
That is men's work, in practice. Most men have never done this. This article explains what the work is, what happens in it, what it is not, and how to start.
The short version: men's work is the practice of men doing honest inner work together: looking at the patterns that run their lives, feeling what they have learned to suppress, and supporting each other to live more truthfully. It happens in circles, groups and retreats. It is not therapy, not a movement against any group, and not a place to complain about women. It exists because most men have nowhere else to be fully honest.
I have guided this work for nine years, with more than a thousand men and women. Here is what it actually is.
Ask yourself one question: where, in your current life, can you speak your unapologetic, unfiltered truth?
Not the edited version for work. Not the manageable version for your partner. The whole of it: the fear about money you carry alone, the anger you swallow, the grief you have never had time for, the parts of yourself you locked away decades ago because they were not welcome.
For most men, the honest answer is nowhere. Adam, after his first retreat, said he would recommend it "to the man who has been through hardship and didn't have anybody to speak to. To the man who feels alone."
Men's work exists because most men can identify with that sentence. Most men have learned that what they feel and want isn't welcome, so they carry it alone, and they call that strength.
Strip away the mystique and men's work is a small set of simple practices, done consistently:
Circles. Men sit together and speak honestly, one at a time, without being fixed, advised or judged. Listening is half the work. Saying what's true out loud, in the safety of other men, is the other half.
Body-based practice. Breathwork, movement, cold water, stillness. Most men live in their heads. The feelings they have pushed down live in the body, which is why talking alone rarely reaches them. Talking has its place, but most men have already talked, or thought, through their problems for years. And it still hasn't solved them.
Challenge with consent. Good men's work is not only soft. Men challenge each other: with care, by agreement, and honestly. Being lovingly challenged by a man who wants the best for you is an experience most men have never had, and it changes them. We call a man in, not out.
Commitments. Between meetings, men practise: the difficult conversation, the boundary, the daily discipline. The circle then holds them accountable, which is what makes it work.
Watching it happen is its own education. Dario, who first came to a retreat as a participant and later returned as part of the crew, put it this way: "I love to see how older men are shifting, how they are integrating. That is really new for me, from man to man."
That is the whole thing in one sentence. Most men have never once watched another man do honest inner work. The first time a man sees another man do it, he realises he can do it too.
Not therapy. Therapy is often clinical, one-to-one or in a small group, and the right tool for trauma and crisis. Men's work is peer practice in a held structure. Many men do both, and they strengthen each other.
Not a men's rights movement. The work is not against women and not about grievance. In nine years of circles, I have never once heard the work drift there; men are too busy with their own material. Also, we don't blame in a men's circle. We take full responsibility for our own experience. It is part of the agreements we make at the start of every circle and retreat.
Not a religion, and not dogma. The practices come from many traditions, tested over thousands of years, combined with modern depth psychology. Nobody is asked to believe anything. You are asked to notice what comes up for you and what feels true for you, which is harder.
Not weakness rebranded. It takes far more strength to say "I am struggling" to a circle of men than to carry it alone for another decade. Every man who has done both will tell you which one required courage.
For most of history, men had built-in places to be real with other men: initiation rites, guilds, crews, congregations. Modern life removed them. What replaced them is colleagues and content on a screen.
What is left is the pub and the group chat, which run on banter, and banter is a bonding tool with a ceiling. Most men I work with watched their closest friendships thin out through their thirties and forties, exactly when the weight of their lives increased. Men's work is not a new invention. It is a rebuilt version of something old that we lost, which is why, when done well, it doesn't feel awkward for long. It feels like home.
If that history interests you, read about rites of passage for men, and about the deeper structure in what actually happens at a men's retreat.
Three honest ways in, from the lightest to the deepest:
Read and listen first if you are sceptical. That is a fine place to be; stay curious there as long as you need.
A men's circle or community gives you the weekly practice: real men, real accountability, a few hours at a time. The online men's community I hold works this way.
A retreat is the immersion: several days with the same men, compressing months of circle work and adding what only living alongside each other can. What actually happens at a men's retreat describes it clearly, and do men's retreats actually work answers the question.
Start where your scepticism allows. Whether you start by reading, in a weekly circle, or at a retreat, you are doing the same thing: getting honest about what you feel and what you want, and doing it with other men. The only difference is how deep and how fast you go.
Men's work is men doing honest inner work together: speaking truthfully in circles, feeling what they have learned to suppress, working through the body as well as the mind, and holding each other accountable to live more honestly. It exists because most men have nowhere to be fully real.
Men sit together and speak one at a time, without being fixed or judged. Sessions usually include some body-based practice such as breathwork, honest challenge by agreement, and commitments that the group holds each man accountable to between meetings.
No. Therapy is clinical treatment, one-to-one or in a small group, and the right tool for trauma and crisis. Men's work is structured peer practice. They complement each other, and many men do both.
No. The work is about men taking responsibility for their own patterns, feelings and behaviour. Most men who do it are husbands, fathers and partners, and their closest relationships are usually the first place the change shows: he is more honest, less reactive, and more present with the people he loves.
Most men perform differently in mixed company, often without noticing. In a space with only men, the performance has nowhere to hide, and watching another man be honest gives permission that most men have never received.
There is a second reason. What a man carries from his past has two sides: what came from his mother and the feminine, and what came from his father and the masculine. With only men in the space, the feminine side is not being triggered, so there is less going on at once. That makes the space simpler and safer, and lets the work reach the father and the masculine directly. There is also less to perform: nobody to impress, seduce or look a certain way for.
Start at the depth your scepticism allows: research first, join a men's circle or community for weekly practice, or go straight to an immersive retreat if you are ready for more. What matters is the space being well held: trained facilitation, clear agreements, and no dogma.
Read the latest insights and stories on the power of psychedelic-assisted therapy and holistic personal development for leaders and entrepreneurs.
