Eliott's advice for a first-time attendee is an excellent one-line preparation guide: "Come without expectations, but come with a clear motivation to embrace the experience fully."
Everything below explains what that sentence means in practice.
The short version: Following the packing list is easy, and any good retreat will send you one. Real preparation is different: It starts with answering the application honestly, setting your work and home life up to be okay without you for a few days, telling the people close to you what you are doing, and deciding one thing before you travel: whatever happens, you will meet it fully.
If you are nervous, you're part of the norm. Here is how to arrive well.
Most men are nervous before their first retreat, and few dare to say so out loud. When we ask in the application what doubts they have, the same fears come up again and again:
If one of these is yours, you are in good company. Every one of these fears has been in the retreat before you, and every one of them is welcome.
One more thing we have noticed. The men who arrive with the fewest doubts are almost always the ones who already trust someone: a friend who has been before, or me after our call. That is a big reason why we do the call.
Feeling nervous means you already sense this might change your life. Some part of you knows this is real, and that you are about to do something that matters. Adam, whose life was falling apart when he decided to come, described this moment as: "Something just clicked: I have to be there."
You do not need to arrive fearless. You just need to arrive with an open mind. Nobody is forced to share, and we make clear agreements together before anything else happens; I describe exactly how in what actually happens at a men's retreat.
Answer the application honestly. A serious retreat has an application process that asks about your health, your history, what's challenging you, and what you really want. Answer all of it as truthfully as you can, including the parts you would rather skip: medication, substances, how you are actually sleeping, what is really going on in your home life. The application is not a test to pass. It helps the facilitators prepare to support you at the retreat, and the man who hides things in his application is the hardest to support later. Everything you share is confidential, and nothing you share will be judged. The more we know, the better we can support you.
Set up your life to continue without you. The extra work squeezed in beforehand is fine; that is how most men make the days possible. What matters is a clean break: an 'out-of-office' you uphold, with no work or work calls planned during the retreat. You are giving yourself these days. Don't spend half of them somewhere else.
Tell your partner what you are doing. Not just the logistics, but also your intention: "I am going to work on myself, with other men, and I want to come back better for us." In my experience, partners aren't the obstacle men fear; most are delighted you want to become a better man.
Move your body in the days before, and go easy on the numbing. Walk, sleep, cut the alcohol or cannabis back. It's about turning down the noise so you can hear what's going on within when the retreat begins.
Bring a question, and hold it loosely. Not a demand for a specific breakthrough. An honest question about your life: What am I so tired of? What do I keep avoiding? What ended that I never grieved? You do not need the answer before you arrive. Bringing the question is enough.
Decide to go in fully, before you travel. This decision matters most. Danny came to one of our retreats twice; the difference the second time was not the programme, it was him. The men who get the most out of a retreat are not the most experienced or the ones with the biggest problems. They are the ones who decided, before arriving, to embrace whatever came. Make that decision at home, where it is easy. Then, on the first night, all you have to do is keep that little promise to yourself.
Drop the expectations, keep the motivation. This is Eliott's line again, because it says it all. With expectations, you arrive with a picture of how it should go and spend the retreat comparing it to what is actually happening. We want you in your body, in your feelings, and not in your head! Motivation simply says yes to what actually happens. Expectations close you down and keep you stuck. Motivation to stay open keeps you moving forward.
The retreat will send you a packing list. This is what we ask our participants to bring:
If you have a gluten or other food allergy, tell the facilitators as soon as you are accepted, not when you arrive.
Then there are the optional things. They give you a hint of what the days hold: a personal mouth guard, a drum, rattle, guitar or any other instrument, an object that represents your intention for attending, childhood photos of yourself at different ages, plus photos of your parents, siblings and other significant people, and any objects that are personally significant to you.
Leave the laptop at home. Bring your phone if you must, but expect to keep it off or away for most of the retreat, and treat that as part of the work rather than a rule. For many men, days without the phone turn out to be one of the most transformational parts of the retreat.
Arrivals, a meal, and men who are exactly as guarded as you are. Nobody arrives open. On the first evening, we begin with an opening ceremony. In it, each man shares why he came, as honestly as he can manage that night, and two sentences is a fine answer. Then, together, we make the agreements that hold the retreat. You will not be asked to bare your soul on arrival. We build safety and depth together, step by step.
From there, the facilitators and the group support you every step of the way. Every practice is an invitation, and the group goes super deep, way faster than any first-timer expects. What actually happens at a men's retreat walks you through all of it, and do men's retreats actually work answers most of the questions you are probably still asking.
If you are preparing for The Return of Men, 12 to 16 May 2027 at BioVilla near Lisbon, every man joins a preparation call before we gather, so you will not be preparing alone. Leave your email or fill out the application, then we'll schedule a call with you. On the call, we'll get clearer on where you are, where you want to be, and whether this is the right experience for you.
Answer the application honestly, set work and home to continue without you, tell your partner what you are doing, ease off alcohol and screens in the final days, and decide before you travel to meet whatever comes fully. Come without expectations, but with a clear motivation why you're going.
Follow the retreat's own packing list. Ours asks for comfortable clothes and layers, exercise clothes and sports shoes, a jacket and hats for sun and cold, swimwear and a quick-drying towel, a journal and pen, a metal or plastic water bottle, your toiletries, and any medication you take (declared in your application). Optional extras, such as an intention object, an instrument, or childhood photos, are worth bringing. Leave your laptop at home, and keep your phone on aeroplane mode or out of reach for most of the retreat.
Completely. Most men are, whether they say so or not: about sharing, about feeling too much, or simply about days without distraction. Nerves mean you know this is real. Nobody is forced to share, and the group builds safety together before any deep work begins.
Tell her the intention: you are going to work on yourself with other men and want to come back better for the relationship. Most partners are delighted rather than threatened, and saying the intention out loud is itself part of the preparation.
No. Every practice at a serious retreat is guided, and every practice is an invitation; men arrive with zero experience all the time. Readiness matters far more than experience: the men who gain most are the ones who decided in advance to embrace whatever comes.
Yes, and hold it loosely: an honest question rather than a required outcome. "What am I so tired of?" or "What have I never grieved?" is enough. Expectations give you a picture of how it should go. An honest question lets the retreat answer it.
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